my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
