We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
third nipple confirmed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize