my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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