my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
