There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this just has baby written all over it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
