Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
