she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
