Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
