Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
