I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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