i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am naked and annoyed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
