My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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