Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
