every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
