I'm really into asian looking animals
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize