even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
