I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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