just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
