2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
