Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
