Soap is not a condiment
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize