Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
