If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
