I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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