I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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