So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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