The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
