becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
