yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
