Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
