ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
