Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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