Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
