omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
