he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
