wrigley field is MILF paradise
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
