Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
