All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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