I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
