Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
