i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
