he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a beard to bite.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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