i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
