If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There r osticjed everywhere
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize