he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize