I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
