your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
