I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize