Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
