come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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