You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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