so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize