i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
