giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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