I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
