Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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