mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize