Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize