Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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