sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
