zippers are such a cool invention
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
