For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
