Non-Jews are for practice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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