You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize