You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
