I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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