nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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