mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
