Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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