She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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