Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
