Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
