he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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